I didn’t live a minute yet..

Arrogance, egoism, selfishness. Many more such attributes are all mine. I have been arrogant, egoistic to the peaks I could and selfishly wanting everything for my own sake. I didn’t live up-to your wishes. I couldn’t reach your levels of affection you deserved. And nevertheless, the love we had suffered.

These are the little-looking huge issues of my life. I’m not perfect, not even near perfection.. I die crying over something I can’t fix. I am not able to control what I could have done a long time ago. When three years ago, I felt things beginning to go wrong, I should have let my inner eye help me find the solution. But why? Why did I lag behind so much that today every day of my life is another exam for me. When am I going to smile for real?

I needed just one thing from life, I wished you in every prayer I would, I find it going away from me with every passing day.. I keep cuddling with it, resolve it, adore it, embrace it, cherish it, love it the most for being there and best-est chapter of my life. But, I fail. How would I explain this to you? I find your hands slipping away, losing the grip over my hands. Your smiles for me being fading with time and your eyes getting flushed with anger.. 

I am not arrogant.. I was selfish, because everyone needs love..but I wanted more and more. I was greedy. I’m greedy. I wanted to be taken as a baby,and never grew up into a mature woman as you had expected. If I was mature enough to be loved, your love turned me into a princess that when a prince kisses her, she lives again. I do not ask to be a princess, I even do not wish to a baby in cot, I want.. to be yours. Forever, in an elegant styled woman, that you’ll have pride in me rather than regret and frustration.

When I ask you for an extra hour, asked for an extra gesture of love, somewhere deep in me I was insecure if you would do. I confessed. But You were beyond the love, you were a perfect lover and you knew sacrifice, you knew bestowing than demanding. I never deserved a man like you, but God gave me a gift, I never too care of. 

Listen, I wasn’t arrogant neither I wish to be. I am none less than a general house-peering..

I apologize for being the worst experience of your life..

 

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