I am not passionate about anything, except one. I am not living for I wanted myself to be. Neither I have any excitement, nor any joy about my career.
Alas, I have lost the acceptance. I had begun learning to accept what I cannot change. But a dreamer like me never wants to be a burden, he never believes to depend upon anyone, but sometimes all one has to do is become dependent and wait until you get a chance to make a change. A change, about you, in you, for you and something which tells you that yes, you’re what you had to be. A chance to achieve what you wished to. I am lacking that acceptance. I am vague about myself, I am not anxious about my passions I had. All thoughts of despair are enveloping me; one who brags about ‘hope, cheers and love’ to others I do not know, I really do not know where I have hidden myself. Have I hidden it myself? Am I too coward to face the real ‘me’? The real dreams I once dreamed and which made what I am. Am I ignoring them all? Sadly I realized this, yet once again in past three years. This is something none of us can forget, the deeply rooted wishes we wish for our self, the self we want us to be. The difference is how strongly you hurt yourself in hiding, ignoring, pressing them all beneath the so-called requirements, the requirements of the world around you about which you care even more than yourself and bow before the responsibilities and blown up fact of being ‘indecent’ to your respected ones.
I must say, Dr.Phil has conjured my mind to bring about the thoughts I am neglecting constantly. Now either it was bad to recall those things or better that I wouldn’t have chosen the book ‘Self Matters’ to read. Either way that doesn’t matter at all, why would it? Since it can be anything, a book, an event, a moment, and more specifically the time I am living in, it makes me surrender in embarrassment towards my demand for myself every second.
feels weak today.
Ah, I coincidentally stumbled upon a really interesting statement.
“A wise man once sat in the audience & cracked a joke. All laughed like crazy. After a moment he cracked the same joke again and a little less people laughed this time. He cracked the same joke again & again, when there was no laughter in the crowd. He smiled and said, “When you can’t laugh on the same joke again & again, then why do you keep crying over the same thing again and again.”
Don’t you think this wise man really got his point across? Yes, he did. You know the same sun shines every day. You see the same moon shows up every evening. The same stars, shine all night. At time they refuse to show up but it’s the same sky that remains up over your head, sometimes dark and sometimes all bright and gay where the stars play hide and seek; just like our happiness, our chances to make a change. Everything remains the same. Where the change can be then? Where can you find peace in? Who is going to comfort your anxieties? What is going to pacify your agony? Where will you find calm and firmness?
In your own self. In your own heart; in the heart of one you love and trust the most. You, I, We need to look for our own self and satisfy our self first. Then we can pave the way in giving the happiness our loved ones desire from us. We don’t want ourselves to be ignorant cowards, we need to face reality and live with a curve, a smile.
~Blessed be us.